The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
where does the pee come out of this thing
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
