she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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