Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
