Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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