Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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