so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
