I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
