I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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