Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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