My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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