just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
