The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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