I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They have beer where we have blood.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
