I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You're completely useless in the revolution.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
