I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
