Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
