did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
