I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
