I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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