u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
