I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
