dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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