so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
