we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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