ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
