thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
