Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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