she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
