I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.