Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How many fucks given?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.