Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.