I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize