you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize