when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked