how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
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He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP