After last night, I could never be a politician.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
