hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
