I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
