Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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