im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
