whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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