if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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