I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
