No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
