This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
