She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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