I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
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Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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