Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
