I just threw up on my dentist
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
