Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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