he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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