And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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