I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
