Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
