my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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