My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
