i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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