so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
