Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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