At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
