there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
there is glitter all over my balls
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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