actually, I'm a sock model
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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