If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
