Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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