So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
They took my balls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
