can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
