I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
