i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
