I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
